why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
