I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
