Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
