a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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