I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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