no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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