What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Randomize
