Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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