every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
