Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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