remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Randomize
