You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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