true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
