I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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