what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
