An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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