Define "chronic" masturbator.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
