glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
