So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
