I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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