That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
40s are totally the cure
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Randomize
