It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
