got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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