made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
