Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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