i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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