Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
