Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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