I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
