I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
