I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
You are the jesus of drinking
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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