you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Randomize
