I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
