sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
