Your face is a jimmy john
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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