I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
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