Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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