Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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