i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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