don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
