You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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