If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
