he shaved USA in his pubs
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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