I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
