i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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