Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Randomize
