Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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