Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
