My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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