I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Randomize
